She was dark matter, cloaked by the abyss of the universe. She relentlessly tried to exit the blackhole of her heart until she realized the answer was not in ridding herself of darkness, but by accepting the darkness instead. As she accepted herself and others more fully, she began to realize her heart was not a vacuum for meaninglessness, but rather an internal guide that could help her get to where ever her desires and destiny met.
Religion and spirituality offered her limited insight, when it came to understanding the darkness and negativity she experienced. Science became the key that unlocked the cage to her soul.
Everything is energy, and energy is never created nor destroyed. It just simply is. Our souls, thoughts, and emotions are energy. We can learn how to direct this energy in our own meaningful and unique ways, or we can be subjected to the energy of others.
It all begins with understanding polarity, and things that are dualistic in nature. For example there is hot/cold, dark/light, positive/negative, north/south, conscious/unconscious and none can exist without the other.
Without dark there would be no light, without negative there is no positive. Therefore, everything has its place and purpose and at every "ending" there is a new "beginning" and these are what we call "cycles" in duality. Cycles can help us identify patterns of thought, behavior, and much more. Cycles can help us discover what we truly want and need from life, or they can be our demise. Whatever the case, it is ALWAYS our choice to let these cycles build us up or tear us down. The more I tried to ignore the negative cycles, the more they took over my life. I built habits and a life around being a victim of abuse, substances, fear, anger, resentment, guilt, and regret. It wasn't until I hit rock bottom, questioning my desire and will to live that I realized I had never accepted my pain, my traumas, or my mistakes. I realized I could never build a happy or "positive" life without using my negative experiences as a foundation. I realized I would never heal if I didn't confront the darkest depth's of my soul, so I dove back in to the abyss with the comfort of knowing that this is where creation and true power begin...
Neutrality.